hoov15

Janae' Mills was the very first friend that I made when my family moved to Virginia. I had just turned 5 years old. She lived in the same neighborhood and I sat next to her on the bus on my very first day of kindergarten. It just so happened that she was in the same class as me. It also just so happened that her family was the only other normal, non-tobacco chewing, deer-shooting rednecks that lived in our neighborhood. We were fast friends.

Throughout my formative years, Janae' and I were together. Sometimes we'd be in the same class and sometimes not. But we rode the bus together every day, to and from school. I spent the afternoons and into the evenings at her house. We'd play outside, we'd play every single board game in the house. Watch movies, make snacks. The first time I can really remember going to church was when she dragged me with her and her family. It was my first time in Sunday school. All I remember was thinking that they were fools to get up so early on the weekend. I remember the first night that mom let me ask her to sleep over at my house. Every birthday party, every holiday we were together. Every single night of every summer we were camping out in her back yard.

And as we got older we started to run in different circles. I started playing sports. Janae' got really into her faith and spent a lot of time in church and youth group stuff. But we still talked everyday and rode the bus together. The relationship changed, but we were still close, even if we made new friends and didn't spend every waking second together.

We took a lot of the same classes in high school because we were considered "smart kids." She sat two seats down from me in Spanish class junior year. We didn't ride the bus together anymore because I had a car and my license and she didn't. I didn't drive her to school though because I usually had to be there early and stay late. She got me into some silly whiney emo music that I swore up and down that I didn't like and put it on mixed tapes that I listened to in my car. We weren't best friends anymore, but we had such a history. And she was the first "best friend," I've ever had that I grew apart from, but didn't forget about me. We actually stayed friends.

One day, it was a B day because we had block scheduling, and the last class of the day was Spanish. It was in the spring and I think I either didn't have practice of some type that afternoon and or I wasn't in season, I don't remember if I was playing rec softball at the time or if I was working at McDonalds yet, all I know is that I was planning on driving straight home. I leaned back in my chair and got Janae's attention during the afternoon announcements.

"Hey, do you wanna ride home today, I'm going straight there cause I don't have anything to do."
"Nah, I think I'm going to go hang out at so and so's house, we might go to this youth group thing at your church tonight. Do you want to go?"

I always said no when she asked me to go to church events. I don't think she ever expected me to actually say yes or show up, but she was a good Christian and didn't stop trying to get me to church. I said no. And she didn't ride home with me that day. The first bell rang, we packed up our things, and headed out of the door of Mr. Martuzas' class, out the door to the right and out of Building 1 (or A Building for you old-timers.) She stopped when she ran into the friend she was going home with and said "I'll see you later," and I responded with something similar.

That was the last time I spoke to her and the last time I ever saw her. Later that evening, on the way to somewhere else from the youth group event she went to, she and 4 other people got into my friend Ginni's car. They were driving down Rt. 619, no more than 3 mintues from my house, when Ginni lost control of the car. She swerved to the right and over-corrected. The passenger side of the car came into contact with a Jeep Liberty driving the other direction. It just so happens my sister was driving the Jeep Liberty. 3 people in Ginni's car died, including Ginni and Janae'.

That was almost 6 years ago. It feels every day like it just happened. Some days are much better than others. Today...well in a few minutes is Janae's birthday. She'd either be turning 21 or 22, I always forgot if she was a year older or younger than me, ever since that first birthday party of hers that I went to when she turned either 5 or 6. And I can't believe that she's gone. I can't believe that she wasn't at graduation with me, that she didn't get to go to some prestigious college for people as smart as she was. I can't believe I won't be going to her wedding or playing with her children one day when we're old and doing things that "old," people do. Just like we planned when we were kids. Those things aren't going to happen for her.


I've been in a rut lately. I've been questing whether this grad school thing is really where I'm supposed to be and if I'm just wasting my time. If I should just move home and live comfortably with my parents until the end of time. And then I think about how Janae' would kick my ass if she heard me question this decision. If she heard me even whisper the idea of giving up this amazing opportunity that I've been given, she'd straight up punch me and ask if I was crazy. So I'm reminded today, on her birthday, that I have to keep going for this. I have to finish grad school and get a job that I love. I have to make great friends, find a great love and live everyday. If for no other reason than that she didn't get the chance to and she'd probably be doing a better job of it than I am at the moment. I think that this is the best way to honor her. To not throw away the time I've been given by asking questions about whether or not the things I'm doing are right. I should just be doing them and learn from my mistakes along the way. I don't know what she'd think of me if she could see me right now, maybe she can. But I really fucking hope she's proud.

I got mono. Yeah. I never thought people actually got mono, that it was just something we'd use to make fun of people when they got sick. Haha you're sick cause you made out with someone. Yeah, but I got it.

I don't know how I got it. It perhaps could have been because of that douche-boy I was sorta seeing for a couple weeks. Perhaps he gave me mono, which adds to the douchery.

I got really sick though. This could get TMI. I was out for two weeks. I was dehydrated and my mother sent my father on a mission to Lynchburg to retrieve me and bring me home to recover. And in that time, I saw two different doctors. I lost 20 lbs-ish. I slept a lot. I watched a lot of Clean House and Supernanny. I finally got my appetite back. I missed two weeks of work and classes. That really stresses me out. When I looked at all the work that I have to make up, it doesn't seem like that much but it scares me. Like it's too good to be true that I only have x amount of work to make up.

I have returned to Lynchburg. I made it pretty successfully through my first week back. I didn't catch too much shit from people at work. I've still got mad work to make up. I still get really tired, but most if not all of my symptoms are gone. I still can't push myself too far, like if I get tired I can't push through it right now, I have to rest. I hate that. I'm used to pushing through the tired and now I have to listen to my body and rest. Lousy body, telling me what to do.

Jamie and I are seeing RENT tonight. That should be fun. I'm all stressy about it because I bought tickets online but didn't save the receipt so I'm afraid we'll get there and suddenly decide we need a receipt and I know it's at 8 but I keep thinking it's earlier or later. I also thought for sure our tickets for last night when I know that we got them for tonight ON PURPOSE. We're supposed to go home for Thanksgiving break immediately following the show, that is if I'm not too tired and emotionally drained. That show gets me everytime.

For now, it's time to be productive at work. Or perhpas take a lunch...

I decided it would be a good idea to come home to Goodview for the weekend of Fall Break. I worked on Thursday and Friday to make up for missed days and I figured I should come home, charge my batteries, and not sit around in my place by myself. And I think for the most part, coming home was a good idea. We saw "Where the Wild Things Are," and it depressed me. Ginny "didn't get it," and I don't think Jamie was as emotionally wrecked as me. It just made me sad. It was too easy for me to relate to the little kid that felt all alone, like nobody was listening to him. He just wanted everyone to be together. I feel that way a lot. Every year I get a new group of friends because the group before that kind of disappears. I just want everyone to be together. Sometimes I think they are, just minus me.

Also, going home was depressing because I've effectively turned into a visitor in my own home. They've moved bunk beds into my room and taken my bed out. To be fair, they called me and asked me if that was ok, but really? I couldn't say no. That was not an option, to say no. I'd be the asshole if I said no, that the soon-to-be children of my sister can't have a place to stay when they visit my parents. But now it's their room. I didn't think it was going to make me sad, but it does. They boxed up all my shit. Like I can be gone completely from this house in a matter of minutes. I joked and said "I don't live here anymore," to which I was told, "No, you don't. But it's always your home." It doesn't feel that way right now.

I sat outside in the freezing cold to watch my cousin play football. They lost. We came home and watched Northwestern lose. JMU lost. Tech is going to lose. And Denver doesn't play until Monday night when I'm in class. Not a good weekend for football.

And it's back to Lynchburg tomorrow...At least I don't have to be on-call again until next semester. I'd just really like to have something to look forward to.

Men should not be difficult to figure out. They claim themselves to be the simpler sex. Which leads me to believe that the man in this pretend scenario that I won't futher explain, is in fact a woman. Which means I've got bigger problems then trying to decipher his odd behavior towards me.

There hasn't been a whole lot to report on as of late.

Work is work.
School is school. I did miss an entire week's worth of classes. Monday I had a sore throat that would kill a grown man so I did not attend classes. The sore throat went away on Thursday night when I missed another class to attend the U2/Muse show in Charlottesville at UVA's Scott Stadium.

Now, was it irresponsible for me to drive to Charlottesville to see a concert when I was in a sickly condition? Perhaps. But as scholars say, fuck that noise. I went. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Before I get into the meat of this update I will say that I am fully aware of what I was getting in to. U2 is a spectacle. U2 live shows are spectacles to put other spectacles to shame. Big, flashy, loud, politically charged, etc. But you know what? I dig it. This goes back to my old theory of you're allowed to like whatever you want as long as you can admit what it really is. Like how you can like The Jonas Brothers all you want as long as you can admit that they're 3 pieces of Disney processed shit that don't deserve to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Ugh, Rolling Stone these days...That's another story for another time. Anyway, I know that U2 is loud and brash and commercial and not the band they were in 1985. I don't care. I really don't. And I'm fully aware that this new album isn't their greatest. There are some really good tracks (Breathe, Magnificent, Moment of Surrender,) but some shitty ones too (Get On Your Boots.) I know this. I'm aware.


Having said that, the show was fantastic. The stage was aboslutely ridiculous. And massive. This stage takes multiple days to build. While it's no giant lemon that we're used to, friends, it's massive. It looks like a 4 clawed hand thing with a giant tower on top. There's also this 360 screen that wraps around the entirety of the stage. The whole idea is that there isn't a bad seat in the house, because you can see the entire show from all angles. It was true. I was 10 rows from the top and at the traditional "back" of the stage and my seats were fantastic.

Muse opened the show. I was pleased to hear that Muse would be opening. I'd heard that Snow Patrol was on the tour at points as well as Black Eyed Peas. I'd have been fine with Snow Patrol, but Muse was fucking sick. Their lead singer has a vocal range that makes me wanna puke, it's so beyond my grasp. I've never heard a singer with a range like that live before. They only played for 45 minutes, opening with their usual Knight of Cydonia. The tracks from the new album worked really well into an already well-put-together setlist. I did enjoy the lead singer's key-tar. I expected a longer set, but I was okay with it. It was very cold, and we were all there to see U2. I was very impressed with Muse, very very impressed.

And I mean what words can I use to describe U2 in a live setting? This was the second time I'd seen them live and I can't say it was better or worse than the first time. I can only think of a convoluted metaphor to describe it. It's like when you're a kid and you play in one of your old relative's houses and it seems so big and awesome and full of sweet hiding places and things to discover. And then when you grow up and go back it's not the same. Going back to a U2 show is like going back to that house and it's just as awesome. Their live shows don't change too much from tour to tour. Similar setlists, similar spectacle and that kind of thing. They've been working on the live versions of their studio tracks for 20+ years so you kind of know what to expect. But it still blows you away because the band is still good. Bono can still hit the notes. Edge still has his falsetto. Larry is looking kind of old though. There were more bells and whistles and that was to be expected. It didn't take away from the show, it gave it interesting little perks. I was disappointed that they didn't play Pride(In the Name of Love.) The show before the one I saw was the first show in like 10 years that they didn't play that song. And they continued the new trend at the Charlottesville show. I was saddened because the end of that song is one of the greatest crowd sing-a-longs ever. I lived though, even without that song.

I actually think the screaming and singing helped cure my sore throat. I had to push through to be able to talk and swallow the day before and that night when I got home I was back to 100%. Miracle healers, those Irish.

I took my new friend Brett to the show with me. I was joking with him the entire week before telling him that it was "church" and like a "religious experience." But it was. It really was to him (and I'm sure many many others as well.) I love that. I love that people can find what they want and take whatever they want out of a concert like that. I think he had a good time. I'm glad I could find someone to give the ticket to that would really appreciate it.


Ahhh, so. That's the extent of my excitement these days. I think there might be a new romantic interest in the movie of my life soon. It's a friendship that might make it's way to the relationship track. I'm not sure if it will or not, but it's got the potential. My expectations aren't high. We'll see what happens. But for right now, it's dandy. Work is the same as always expect I'm on-call this week. Meaning I have to be on campus from 7pm to 7am every day this week and be available during those times to take calls if something fucks up ::knock on wood:: I'm over it already. I don't have anywhere to go, but the fact that I can't leave campus is making me a crazy person. But soon it will be fall break and I can leave campus all I want. Or stay here and sleep for 4 days.

My mom came into town today. It's parents weekend so she came to town and we went to the Sigma Nu cookout. Wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to bed. I guess that means I need to learn to listen to Jamie sometimes.

They've asked me to go to the Sigma chapter meeting tomorrow. I'm not entirely certain why, but it'll be weird. Once again, I'm feeling a little old.

I cleaned. Almost. There's still some clothes I need to put away and dishes I need to do.

See how exciting my life is?

The one thing that I'm looking forward to is the U2/Muse concert in October. Actually in 12 days. I can't freaking wait. I've been waiting all summer. That's the thing I have to look forward to right now. And that's really it.

Things are weird.

Once again I've jumped back on the singles cruise line. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm not excited about it, but I'm not sad. I'm making it through surprisingly well based on my past history. It was just time for it to happen. And that's ok.

I'm also going through a couple of minor medical things. I got a few tests done and I'm finding out the results hopefully tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be nothing. The odds say it'll be nothing. I'm still a little worried. We'll see.

Grad school is...grad school. The parts that suck are just that my class schedule is undesirable. But there's nothing I can do about that. I have the same schedule next semester too. I think I kicked ass in my Supervision class though. Which is nice because I was really afraid of that class and it's the hardest class that I have.

My place is a wreck. I just don't clean up. I get so tired by the end of they day that I just don't. It's not a good excuse. But that's all I've got.

AND I've been watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy. I think it's making me feel better, because the characters on that show have the shittiest lives ever. Not much else can compare. So it's like it automatically makes you feel better because your life really has a small chance of sucking as bad as that. I mean come on. Drowning, dead finacees, dead fathers, abortions, multiple affairs and adultery, life ruining divorce and shot gun weddings? That can't really happen to a group of 5 friends. So I feel better.

This is what's been going on with me lately. I felt like I might have a reader or two left out there in the intarwebz so I've give an update. Hopefully this funk will pass soon and on to posting more often so nobody can read it.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude.

Okay, so my ass hurts. Now before you get interested, please know that it is because I just sat through 5 straight hours of class. Started at 4:30 and ended at 9:30. Now I don't know if I was being naive thinking that day 1 of a class never goes the full time, but I almost tricked myself into thinking we might get out early. We didn't. I was good up until about 8. Then I had to shift my weight about every 5 minutes or so. I kept looking at the clock. It was 8:57 for about 2 hours. And it's not like the material is boring. It's interesting. The discussion was good, like I cared what people had to say. But all I could think about was 'ow, my ass hurts,' or 'maybe if I lean my arms on my desk I'll get a good stretch.'

Other than that...grad school seems pretty a-okay with me. I have the same professor for two of my classes and the head of the program for the other. Two of the classes seem mad easy and the one that seems like it might be a challenge is the one with the head of the department. There are far more people in that class too. The other two have like 12 people in each and the last one has 27ish people in it. And most of those people are actual classroom teachers which makes me feel really young. That's a nice change of pace, considering I've been called old more times recently then I'd like. Newsflash friends, 22 is not old.

My office computer is fixed. I no longer have to sit in the main office and answer the phone...for now. I don't have class again until Thursday. I got new headphones at the bookstore today. They aren't life changing or anything, but my old ones died a painful death last night. I couldn't wait to get new ones. I need them. Even if they are sort of subpar. They've got this cool little twisty case thing that makes it easy to wind them up. I get excited about the little things.

So I haven't written in a while. Things have been super busy. Classes officially started on Thursday. I had my first grad class. It was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I'm not sure why I thought it was going to be so scary, but I did. And it wasn't scary at all. I know a lot of people in it and I think those are the same people that will be in my other classes too, so that should be good. I've got a little homework to do for my Thursday class that I need to get working on.

The job is going well. My office computer is all wonky and broken so they had to take it away and go fix it. This means I've been spending my time at the student assistant desk and not in my office. The downside to that is that I have to answer the phone. I think I've mostly gotten over my long-time phone phobia, but I hate answering the office phone. Mainly because the people that call have a lot of questions that I can't answer yet.

I start my first full week of office hours tomorrow. Apparently I wasn't expected to start office hours last week, but I went in to work anyway. Mondays are going to suck. I have office hours from 11-4. At 3 we have our weekly HD meeting. Then I have class at 4:30. That class goes until 7. Then after that I have class from 7 to 9:30. So I'm pretty much going from 11 to 9:30 straight. Fun. I'm going to love Mondays.

Other than all the work stuff things are good. It is a little lonely here though. I like having this little court/apartment to myself. I can keep whatever hours I want and it's not actually as messy as I expected it to be. I keep things mostly straightened up. But I'm used to the chapter house, with a ton of other people milling about at all hours and being loud. I live a very quiet life over here. That is except for Friday and Saturday nights when the freshmen are out in full force.

I still have yet to put all of my posters up. I still have yet to fix my record player (or buy a new one.) I still have yet to finish my laundry.

So the RA's moved in today. The office was fucking crazy. Checking them is wasn't really a problem for me or my boss. I've done a million check-ins and they are generally the same. But the office was slammed. Everytime we'd open our mouths to say something, the phone would ring. Then while on the phone, another call would be waiting behind it. Then 5 people would line up to check in. Then people from the office down the hall would come in asking us for shit. Then the phone would ring. Then we'd have a mishap with keys missing or keys being unmarked or being in the wrong envelopes. Then we ran out of envelopes. Then the phone would ring. We didn't take lunch today. Ugh! And it went right up until 5.

I get a little training and a little office time tomorrow. I don't remember off the top of my head what exactly I'm doing tomorrow, but I know that I still have to be up early and be at training at 9:30am. I don't care how early I go to bed, I can't get up at 8am and be okay with it. I just can't. Even when I worked 9-5 all week, every week last summer, I can't be okay with getting up early. It doesn't get easier. It doesn't turn into a routine that I get used to. It's just as painful every single time.

I keep trying to be productive in my down time. I really think that I should maybe take some of the down time to be....well, down. Like rest and shit. But I make lists. Shopping lists mainly for when I hopefully get paid. I write and post up schedules. I pretend that I'm going to do pilates. I wash dishes. I make a pot of coffee. I put the dirty clothes in the hamper and bag up the trash. Clean the bathroom sink. Pick out clothes for the next day. Tiny little spouts of productivity. Please note that this all happens at night. Not in the morning. If I had tiny spout of productivity in the morning I could work out or have breakfast or something. I only give myself enough time to wake up, shower, get dressed, and leave. I guess it's a good thing that my office hours are 11-4.

But I'll make it work. And the more I do this job, the more I like it. I think things are working out nicely for me right now and I'm totally okay with that.

Training! So much training!

It's weird because I'm going through training right now but it's Hall Director training. I'm not a Hall Director. But my position as the GA is new, so there's really no where else to put me. I'm learning a lot. But some of it isn't relavent to me and that's something I gotta deal with.

I can't put my posters up. The walls aren't forgiving enough to take stick pins. I don't have enough tape, let alone strong enough tape. I don't have any money, so I can't buy putty or nails. I'm fucked. I hate plain white walls. I hate them. It makes any college housing look like a prison and I'm not ok with that.

I left my oven on all night the other night. I made a pizza and I have dials and no timer. So I thought I turned it all the way off but I just turned it to like 50 degrees. I don't know what would have happened had it been a higher temperature, like would I have blown the house up?

Also training has turned me into an old lady. I go to bed at like 12:30 every night. But tomorrow, I get to sleep in. I don't have to be in the office until 11. It'll be glorious.

Things are a bit more settled today. I still haven't completely unpacked everything. I think my camera is broken. My fridge still makes very weird noises. But other than that, things are pretty excellent.

I got contacts. I wore them for a little while today, it was weird. I kept trying to push my glasses up on my face and they weren't there. My parents got me a lot of nice things. Food, toilet paper, pot and pans, corningware dishes, microwave, toaster, various kitchen items and oh yeah a CAR. Dad told me last night that the 2002 Blue Neon is mine now. Mine. I'm beyond stoked. Ever since I sold the convertible and the van become deathly ill, I thought I'd never have my own wheels again. But I was wrong! And I love that neon. I'm so excited. I can't even stand it.

I got really lazy yesterday and then all of a sudden at like 1am I decide to set-up my kitchen. I got this weird burst of energy. It didn't last that long though. Also, the power went out over the entire campus at like 12:45 and I flipped shit. It only lasted like 5 minutes.

I have a training dinner tonight. I think we're having steaks. Sweet. Then I'm gonna catch a movie with the boyfriend and training starts for real for real tomorrow. Hopefully a lot of the things I'm not sure about will be put in place for me. I'm excited and nervous and really happy. Things are going quite well I would say.

Well, I'm moved into my new place. Sort of. All of my things are here. My computer desk is set up, my bed is set up, my TV is set up. All the bathroom things are in the bathroom. I don't have any toilet paper. I don't have a microwave or any pots/pans to cook with. But I'm moved in.

I'm here early for the purpose of getting my office set-up and getting acquainted with the office and everything. I did that for about a half hour this morning and there really wasn't anything for me to set up. I have more in-depth stuff tomorrow so I should be setting this place up right now. I'm just exhausted and afraid to sleep. There's a lot of things to get used to here. Like cars driving by my bedroom window. And the noise that my freezer makes. And the fact that I haven't bought a mattress pad. The mattress I have at home is so nice, I'm spoiled. But I have really awesome looking tie-dyed bed sheets because I'm 8 years old. I have an inordinate amount of stuffed animals, mostly penguins. I don't know where to put them all. Perhaps keeps them in the box they're in and place it neatly under my bed.

But I'm here. Hopefully it'll feel like home soon.

A number of things have made me want to write recently but I can't seem to choose one particular thing. Nothing seems to merit a post all it's own. So maybe I'll do a little mini-list sorta thing. A hodge-podge of my thoughts.

* I am getting really nervous. I move back to Lynchburg really soon. Training starts. I have no idea what I'm doing. Unchartered territory. Scary.

* I was acquiring music the other day and for every song I would look up, Free Bird would come up. Under the song and artist was a bible verse. Really? How did someone manage to spam me in such a way? And for what reason. It was the verse in Matthew about doing unto others as you'd have them do unto you. And Free Bird is supposed to be the vehicle for this message? Really?

* I cleared my iPod the other day. I'm tired of everything. I have 1786 songs on my iTunes right now and I hate them all. I don't wanna listen to any of it. I need new stuff. I am finding a few things. I'm obsessed with 'Fireflies' by Owl City. I don't even hate how much it sounds like The Postal Service. I can get past that.

* Another thing I've been thinking about is what I'd do if I had a ridiculous amount of money. And the things I've been focusing on are different from the obvious (pay of student loans, get car, pay off credit card, pay off the debt of family, etc.) I'd want a giant house. In that house I would have a Hawaiian Punch drinking fountain. I would also have a home theater with a giant screen to watch movies. I want to have a service that moved all of my things for me and pack my bags when I need to go places. I want the most expensive pair of headphones ever made.

* I can't get over the fact that I've made it to the age where my friends get married. It's not like I want to get married right now. Far from it. I think it's the fact that I don't feel emotionally or finacially ready to get married and at 22 I don't think that's so weird. I mean I just graduated college. I can't make a car payment. I don't have health insurance. I've never lived in a place where I pay the rent. But people my age and younger are making decisions that are meant to last a lifetime. I change my outfit 4 times before I leave the house. Am I behind or are an inordinate amount of people getting hitched? Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge anyone happiness. If you've found the one you want to spend your life with, awesome. That's legitimately awesome. I just think we're still young. Or maybe I'm the only one that's still young.

* I want a puppy.

* I wanna meet the person I was a year ago and slap her in the face. I want to tell her that she had nothing to be sad about and yell at her for putzing around for the better part of what should have been an awesome summer. The more I think about the things that I've spent time being sad about, the more I wanna puke. I have the tendency to make a big deal out of things that turn out to be pretty insignificant later on.

* I can't wait to see U2 in October. I wonder if it will be just as amazing as the first time or do U2 concerts get better and better?

* I need to start getting to bed earlier. Soon I'll have to be up at 8am everyday. Ew.


And I think that's it. All the things I've been pondering or mulling over in my head that don't merit their own post. Also, I went to the park today and took silly pictures. I bought a shirt at the mall and changed into it in the bathroom. I felt like a criminal, but I messed up the shirt I was previously wearing and I really wanted to wear the new shirt. I got some looks. Hagen drank 4 strawberry lemonades at Red Robin. Apparently I get along well with Justin's friends, which is good. Ginny got me a tie-dye kit, I'm going to dye my bedsheets. That way no matter the comforter or pillowcases I have, it will match. And if I spill shit on my bed as I am want to do, it won't be as noticable. The Salem Red Sox really suck. And I'm getting sleepy. I have absolutely nothing else of value to say.

I've been sick all week. I've been the kind of sick where you morph into a couch cushion. The kind of sick where bathing seems like the most daunting and strenuous task you'll ever be faced with.I have managed to bathe though, so don't be frightened. I think it's on the downward now, I am actually able to sleep. And sleep I do. Till like noon everyday. Damnit. The part about being sick that I hate, that I'm sure most others hate too, is the fatigue. I hate being so tired and weak that I can't do anything I wanna do without feeling like I'm going to pass out at any moment. I have the immune system of an infant with AIDS and a crack addiction. Enjoy that mental picture.

So lately I've been surviving on old Disney movies. They keep me entertained until my body gets over my headache enough to fall asleep. Two nights ago it was The Jungle Book and last night it was Disney's Robin Hood (yes, furries, I know.) I'd have to say that those two are my #2 and 3 favorite Disney films. The first is The Sword in the Stone. Interestingly enough all of these movies are based on earlier stories and the Disney versions are not true to the originals. And I don't care. I really don't. I like these versions and I refuse to change. So there.

One week until I move back to Lynchburg. I'm excited and nervous. A little afraid. I hope I'm ok at this new job. Ok is all I'm reaching for right now. I can be great once I know what the fuck I'm doing.

I saw the place that I'm living for at least the next year of my life. It's kinda small. The front door opens into my bedroom. I have two beds. I'm not sure I want two beds. That means I'll have to get another set of sheets and two mattress pads. I have a very small closet compared to last year's porthole to Narnia closet. My bathroom is decently sized. My kitchen is tiny with the water heater in the corner. I have no counters. I do have a table with two chairs though. And a back door. That's my place. I wanna call it a house but it's no house. It's a tiny tiny apartment. But it's just me, what else do I need really? Counters. That's what I need. It's free, so I can't complain.

I also have an office. A real live person's office with a desk and a chair and a door. All professional and shit. I'm too young to have my own office. I don't care what my title is, I'm too young to have my own office. And yet, I have one. I start training in two weeks. Crazy.

Yesterday I played paintball with the boyfriend, Palmer and his little brother. I only got like 3 welts and no paint splatter because I'm awesome at moving around quickly and hiding. I got a bunch of dudes out too. I got very dirty and smelly. I won 'awesomest girlfriend ever' award for it. Because not only was I down, but I wanted to be there. While in Lynchburg with Justin I also saw a tiny tiny puppy and a little high school scenester shit got punched in the face at a fake hardcore show. I laughed. He deserved it. And the guy that punched him deserved to get thrown out. I saw Angels and Demons. I did not expect to like it, but I did. I hear the book is 10 time better and I'm not surprised. That's how it generally works, right? I've never read a book and seen the movie and thought the movie was better. Sometimes and it's very rarely, does the movie add up so much that I like them both equally. Like High Fidelity, I like the book and movie equally. But it's almost like two different stories, because the scenery is a big part of the story in the movie and not so much in the book. Chicago is a character in that film.

Anyway...starting to ramble. Things are good these days and a little weird. I'm moving back to school but it's not the same. People are growing up. People are getting married. Friends are drifting apart. New friends are coming into the picture. But my office is awesome. My tiny apartment is awesome. My class schedule is awesome.My sleeping pattern is awesome. Big Brother is awesome. My boyfriend is super awesome and supportive of me being all nervous about grad school and new job, etc. He's going to be gone for a week doing the whole camp counselor thing. I don't get to see or talk to him at all for a week because they have zero cell phone reception at camp. Believe me, I've done the distance thing before and I know that a week is nothing. I've gone way longer than a week without seeing someone. But no communication at all for a week, I've never done. I'm a big sap, I know.


And finally, this summer is going by too quickly. My summer is over in two weeks. Where did it all go?

Back from house-sitting. I made some decent money that I'm sure will be spent before I can even blink. I've got a book to buy, a birthday present to buy, and the usual moving back in stuff. Gotta eat and survive. I'm not entirely certain if I'm getting paid for training, which starts much sooner than I thought (roughly 22 days.) I don't have all that much preparing to do to get ready for any of this, at least in the physical realm. I'm basically still packed from leaving school so that's done. All my presentations are done. I'm signed up for classes and everything seems to be in order, save for a few odds and ends.

Am I mentally prepared? I'm not so sure. It's a big change. Nothing is going to be the same as it was moving in for the past 4 years. My studies change, my job changes, my standing changes. I feel like I'm either making too big a deal of it or I'm not taking it seriously enough. There's no real way to tell, right? 1) Because I've never worked in this office ever, let alone been a graduate assistant and 2)Because I'm not sure my office even knows what they expect of me because my job is new and they're still working out the kinks. We're all kind of gonna play it by ear, and I was never that good of a sight-reader.

I'm still being as chill as possible around this house. Fun things might happen this weekend. The fair maybe. Salem baseball maybe. Lynchburg to see Justin for his birthday maybe. These things should be fun. On Tuesday night me and Jamie are going to nerd it up at the midnight showing of Harry Potter 6. I'm re-reading the last book right now. I don't know if it's because it's been so long since I've read it, but I don't remember half the shit that happens in that book. We watched the first movie today. They were so little. I was 12 when I got the first book. Wow. I.Am.Old.

5:45am - Dog wakes me up by licking my face
5:50am - Take dog on walk. Dog eats plants. Dog almost gets us both hit by a car.
6:00am - Feed dog, two outside cats, and inside cat(blind)
6:05am - Blind cat trips me and we both go tumbling down the stairs.
6:30am - Go back to sleep, get tangled in iPod cord
8:45am - Dog walks to sliding glass door and violently barks at nothing for 20 minutes. Wakes me up.
9:00am - Blind cat steals iPod and hides it.
9:05am - Find iPod, laugh at blind cat
9:10am - Go back to sleep.
12:00pm - Dog wakes me up by licking my face
12:10pm - Walk dog.
12:20pm - Play Farmtown on Facebook.
12:45pm - Miss Boyfriend
1:00pm - Drive to Moneta to take care of two different cats and bunny
1:15pm - Bond with buny
1:45pm - Drive back to Stewartsville
2:00pm - Miss Boyfriend
2:30pm - Have Marley and Me moment with Dog
3:00pm - Shower in awesome bathroom with double showerheads
3:45pm - Go home and eat
5:00pm - Walk dog, see other dogs, almost die
5:20pm - Feed dog, outside cats and blind cat (blind cat nestles leg)
6:00pm - Sit in hammock chair and read (in said book the main character has a 4-page long conversation with his dick)
6:20pm - Laugh forever about main character having a conversation with his dick
7:40pm - Get out of hammock chair, covered 4700 in bug bites
8:00pm - Miss Boyfriend and play around on Facebook
9:30pm - Watch trashy reality TV
10:01pm - Talk to boyfriend on phone
10:10pm - Outside cat gives me a puncture wound
11:05pm - Walk dog
11:30pm - Eat lunchable
11:50pm - Watch trashy reality TV
2:00am - Finally fall asleep only to rinse and repeat

I signed up for my grad classes today. I spoke to my advisor on the phone and he seems awesome. I've been pretty blessed thus far with awesome advisors at LC. Cliff Potter was the shit. Any man that tells me if I have any problems that all I have to do is call him and he'll "take care of it," is good on my list. Mark was obviously a great advisor to me as I am pursuing even further education and not Area Manager at McDonalds. I wonder what he'd think of me sticking around LC for another two years. We'd so drink together. Dr. Roux was a great advisor and very gracious to take me on after Mark passed. He got a lot of advisees dumped on him and he still managed to remember everyone's name. He really pushed me to get out of Lynchburg and one day I just might. Now I have Dr. Jones. He knew the entire course offering list off the top of his head and he's already talking about working certain courses around in my second year to fit what I'm looking for, independent studies, etc.

For the first semester, my schedule is:

Mon - class i dont remember the name of 4:30 - 7:00pm
class i dont remember the name of 7:00 - 9:00pm
Thur class i dont remember the name of 7:00 - 9:00pm

Yeah. Welcome to grad school. I wonder how feasible it is to miss a class. Because I'm seeing U2 on Oct 1st and that's a Thursday. I have class Thursday nights. Yeah...I won't be there, sorry.

I feel better now that I have all my classes squared away and I have an idea of where I'm living. My presentations are done and all I need to do now is purchase books when they tell me what books I need. It seems to be falling into place a little too smoothly. I'm trying to channel my inner optimist and just accept things being awesome as opposed to wondering when it's all gonna hit the fan. I know that HD/AHD and RA training will be draining and challenging (and hopefully fun,) and I know that classes will be way more challenging than my undergrad classes. I really wanna get started though, I'm pretty excited about all of it because it's the same old place with the people I know and love but it's all going to be different and new. Yay, there's that inner optimist.

I'm house sitting this week. I start today and the family comes back next Sunday. It's a pretty sweet gig, not gonna lie. I have to stay here though..by myself. It's a smidge creepy. The house is very nice though. I won't go into too much boring detail, but it's nice. I have to feed their animals twice a day and take their huge dog out three times a day. He's staring at me. He's been staring at me since I got here. He's looking at me like I'm not supposed to be here and as far as he's concerned, I'm not. Even though I met him a week ago and he seemed cool with me then. He seemed cool with me when I took him for a walk earlier. But now he's staring at me and he won't stop. I'm not that interesting. I know he's just trying to figure me out. I'm pretty easy to figure out. We'll be friends by the end of the week, no doubt.

I think I'm going to start a business. This really is the life. I'm pretty much getting paid to sit on my ass for a week. The only duties I have are make sure the animals don't die and pick up the mail and newspaper every morning. The other duties that aren't included in the job description but are pretty much implied are as follows:

1.Sit on your ass
2.Eat food that you didn't buy
3.Play FarmTown on Facebook.
4.Catch up on re-reading Harry Potter 6 and 7

ALL MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE! All my life I've been looking for a way to get paid to do nothing and avoid options such as welfare and unemployment. It's happening now. Therefore, I'm starting a business. It will be a house-sitting business. Do you need someone to make sure your animals don't die and nobody steals your shit while you're on vacation? Want to pay that person to make that happen for you and eat all your food and watch your TV and use your internets? Call me. I'll do it. I'm clean if I'm in a space that's not my own. I'm house trained. I won't disturb your neighbors. See? It's a win-win for all of us.

Now there are productive things I could be doing while I'm here. For instance I have a training presentation that I need to finish and send in before Monday. I can do that. I could do push-ups for christ's sake, I don't know. I'm sure there are productive activities just waiting for my undivided attention. And I might get to them. Just maybe.

Now...on to do nothing. I'm gonna do nothing and I'm gonna do it hard.